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So I have this vivid memory that I'd like to share with you..so yea, for years, I spent today blurring through the holiday in between Phish shows..whether it was Hartford or Albany, and ending with a shindig of all shindigs in Worcester..It was always fun, and there were always memories to be kept from those Thanksgiving runs..like this one.

I used to have a guardian angel. I think his name was Brian. He was a burly guy, with long dark hair and a beard. I saw him everywhere. I never really got to know him or anything, just someone you ran into at so many shows you eventually said hi!

So it was Albany, 11/25/98. We had just come off an exhausting trip to Hampton where my brother's car just outright died and had to convince him to rent a Uhaul to tow it home so that we could boogie on up to New Haven for a mediocre show. Albany tho, was kick ass as usual. We came out in a fury of greatness..and I remember looking over the balcony, and who should appear? None other than my guardian angel..smiling up at us..with just a few words of wisdom..

HAPPY TOFURKEY DAY!

I rushed down the stairs and gave him a big hug, knowing that we all would be heading home for just one day of feasting before heading up to Worcester for more fun. I haven't seen him in a few years..I just wanted to say that today, I am thankful for memories of days like that..and of guardian angels..in all their glory..shouting the most appropriate things ;)

11:53 PM 11/25/2004

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So I took this color test here this morning:

Here are my results:

1. DESIRED OBJECTIVES OR BEHAVIOR DICTATED BY DESIRED OBJECTIVES.
Feels the existing circumstances are hostile and is exhausted by conflict and quarreling. Wishes to protect himself and hides his intentions to avoid exposing them to attack, so that they will be safer and easier to achieve. Careful to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger his plans.

2. THE EXISTING SITUATION OR BEHAVIOR APPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION.
Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an esthetic atmosphere of peace and tenderness.

3. CHARACTERISTICS UNDER RESTRAINT OR BEHAVIOR INAPPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION.
Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing him to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.
Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

4. REJECTED OR SUPPRESSED CHARACTERISTICS OR ANXIETY-LADEN CHARACTERISTICS.
Stresses resulting from disappointment have led to agitation. Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make
reasonable compromises. Agitated pessimism; fearful of losing prestige.

5. THE ACTUAL PROBLEM OR BEHAVIOR RESULTING FROM STRESS.
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of his hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. He tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting himself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety. Desires recognition and position, but is worried about his prospects. Reacts to this by protesting at any criticism and resisting any attempt to influence him. Tries to assert himself by meticulous control
of detail in an effort to strengthen his position.

You figure it out...

10:25 AM 11/21/2004

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Well..I decided..I am not going to that reunion..I don't see anything I have to prove to any of those people..and they haven't been part of my life for ten years..why would I want to revisit that? No..I don't think so..

So..I've been rather lugubrious lately..its driving me crazy..I need to snap out of it..At least one good thing has come out of it..I'm finally seeing more to music than just the notes..the words mean so much and I'm starting to understand what they are all writing about! That can be good and bad..

Did I mention I got my IPOD? You know..the one I didn't pay a cent for? All the non believers out there..it only took me a few months and it is by far the coolest toy i've ever owned...now I have a place to put all those lyrics so they aren't clogging up the computer ;)

6:53 PM 11/20/2004

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So I called my Dad on Saturday. He said I had mail from a BS..something stapled..from Massachusetts.. I told him to go ahead and open it.. Turns out that there is a high school reunion happening..

BLAH!

So it got me thinking..I won't go without my comrade in action..good old Lori. I can't go without her. Seeing all those people is like bringing up a bad trip.. But then again, maybe not.. How many of them can honestly say they've been to Europe, seen many different states, gone on tour with a band, and still managed to get married, get the job they want, and get married..all without having kids yet?? I'm not so sure..it might be self gratifying ;)

10:03 PM 11/14/2004

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So you never know who's reading..you just might be inspiring someone else..like me!

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